I was at worked this sunday.
Trying to pretend that nothing happen.
But I keep glancing at my watch.
Waiting for the time to pass before I can call my mom.

10.35 am exactly, I called my mom. Asking her about my baby cousin.
My mom said she was beautiful. Chubby, just like her 1 year old older brother.
Eyes like her 4 year old sister.
But I never get to know whether she cry as loud as her brother or headstrong like her sister.

I lost my baby cousin at 8.30 that morning. Without seeing her at all, without touching her delicate skin. coz my aunt give birth to a stillborn baby.

When my mom told me about her description, I couldnt help but break down and cry.
Cry because I couldnt give my support to my aunt. Cry because I never get to see my baby cousin. Cry because I couldnt be there. Cry because thats the only thing I can do that time.

Nur Ain` Firzana. Isn`t that a nice name? I couldnt get to call her that in the future. I couldnt even play with her like I did with her siblings.

My mom and sisters told me what happen when I get back from work.

My cousin (her sister), keep on asking why her sister have to sleep there (cemetery)?
Why cant she go home with us? She was sobbing as she said that. A 4 year old.
Eventhough I wasnt there, i could imagine her and it brought tears to my eyes. Even now, I still cry thinking about it. I dont think I`ll get over her deathh easily.

We are close, very close to her family. It affect my badly. All I could do now is stare at her photo. A pic of remembrance taken by my sister. With her blueback lips and yellowish skin.

Just looking at it, make me wish I could turn back time. The time where everybody was at the hospital. The time where everybody say their first and last goodbye to Nur Ain` Firzana.

Im going to miss you.
You are never far from my mind.
You stay in our hearts forever.

Love always;
Isnarti bte Yasni